Tired of Dieting? Eat These.

Carbs and calories? Bring it on!

Salads are delicious, nutritious, and BORING. Stop pretending you aren’t starving and do something crazy this week: eat all of your day’s calories in one sitting. I give you the article that you will probably never see anywhere else.

The Fat-Tastic Menu

Breakfast: The Lady’s Brunch Burger, 900 calories

This morning masterpiece is insanity on a plate. Two slices of greasy bacon, set atop a hamburger patty and a fried egg, sandwiched between two glazed doughnuts. If you crave more sweetness on this “burger,” consider a tablespoon of maple syrup. It comes as no surprise that the maker of this fatty creation is the Southern calorie queen herself, Paula Deen.

Lunch: Chili’s Smokehouse Bacon Triple-the-Cheese Big Mouth Burger with Jalapeno Ranch Dressing

Mmm, a nice juicy burger! What could be better for lunch? And who doesn’t love cheese? For only $8.99, you get quite a caloric bang for your buck. With 227 calories per dollar, you can consider yourself financially savvy. You can also consider yourself 150 grams of fat heavier and the new owner of 4900 milligrams of sodium!

Midday Snack: Dairy Queen’s Turtle Pecan Cluster Blizzard (Large)

This creamy treat packs a whopping 80 grams of fat and totals up to 1,530 calories. Do the right thing: save a few calories and go for the small. Only 680 calories.

Dinner: 7-pound Burrito

There is just something so delicious and exotic about indulging in a Mexican meal. Chips and salsa, waiters with sexy accents, and 7-pound burritos. This dish is anything but ordinary, stuffed with ham, eggs, potatoes, chilies, cheese, and onions. Oh, and you may need a to-go box (the largest to-go box in existence), considering it contains nearly 4,000 calories.

Dessert: Twinkie Pie (sparkrecipes.com)

I discovered this on a healthy recipes website – but I am clearly tired of eating so healthy all the time, so I switched it up with much more exciting full-fat ingredients. If you’re going to do dessert, you’re going to do it right.

Make It With:

  • 10 Twinkies
  • 1 package Jell-O Cook and Serve chocolate pudding
  • Whole milk per the pudding box directions
  • 1 container Cool Whip
  • 1/2 cup crushed Heath bar pieces

How to Make It:

1. Slice Twinkies in half and layer on the bottom of a 9×13 glass baking dish.
2. Prepare pudding according to box directions. Pour over the Twinkies.
3. Wait for the pudding to completely cool (a refrigerator helps speed up this process).
4. Spread the Cool Whip and sprinkle with Heath bar pieces.

Makes 12 servings.

So assuming you eat all 12 servings, which you totally should, you’ll have consumed enough calories for about three days’ worth, plus more saturated fat than should ever be consumed by any human being.

What are your favorite calorie splurges?


This entry was posted in ANNAH, FUN. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Tired of Dieting? Eat These.

  1. Emily says:

    SOOO FUNNY! I love this!

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