Can You Really Change a Guy?

Don’t fall for it girls…

Don’t we all desperately want to be the girl that changes the bad boy? We want to be different than all the other girls; we want him to change for us. But is that really possible? Let’s explore.

Picture this: there’s a good looking guy who gets all the ladies. He’s got charm and swagger, but somehow, the girls never last longer than a week. You catch his gaze one day, and he approaches you. You nervously stutter but he thinks it’s cute, so he asks you out.
You can’t believe that this gorgeous guy is actually interested in you, but you don’t want to be just another girl. Not only that, you don’t want to pass up this awesome opportunity for a potentially great love. You find the perfect outfit, and plan the perfect hairstyle with the hopes that once he sees you, his heart will skip a beat, and it’ll forever put an end to his player ways.
Unfortunately, that’s not how it goes. In the middle of dinner, you catch him ogling the waitress, and while he pays for the check, he leaves his number. You’re disgusted and disappointed – you were hoping you’d be the girl that would change him.
While I’ve never let myself fall victim to this sleazy dude, I have convinced myself that I’d be the girl that was different – the girl that would change his mind.
When I fell for a guy that was in a relationship, I should have known that I was doomed for failure. At first, I didn’t think anything of it. Yet, when he told me he was unhappy, and that he had a crush on me, I swore that I’d be able to save him. I wanted him to get out of his relationship, and let me be the one to make him happy. When they finally broke up, I pushed the envelope even further. I knew he wanted his freedom, but I knew – rather, thought I knew – that I was different.
With that, I let him do what he wanted because I told myself that he’d come back. He didn’t want any of those other girls, he just wanted me. I was special.
I wasn’t special. No girl is special to a guy unless he shows it. When we’re trying to change a guy, we make excuses for him. We tell ourselves that he’s confused, hurting, and if that weren’t the case, he’d be sweeter. Reality check – that’s so false. If he truly cared about you and if you were truly different, he would prove it.
So to answer your question – no, you can’t change a guy. You can lead him in the right direction; you can even talk him through his whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, but you can’t change a guy unless he’s willing to change himself on his own terms.
One thing I can tell you though is this: sometimes, having you watching from a distance is all a guy needs to change. If you try too hard and come on too strong, he’ll stick to his ways and you’ll likely scare him away like all the other girls. Show him you’re different if you want him to believe you are. Give him the space and time he needs and you never know – he might finally get his epiphany.


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