How to Rid Yourself of a Creeper

Do the creeperrrrrr!

So you’re at a bar totally minding your own business when a less-than-attractive man child strolls up to you and decides to spend the rest of his night driving you absolutely nuts. Lucky for you, we have some fool-proof ways to get rid of this creep-o before he ruins your night. He won’t even know what hit him.

Talk about cats. No one likes a crazy cat lady, so desperate times call for desperate measures. Tonight, you get to be that lady. If he wants to conversate, then give him the best conversation of his life. Spend the next five minutes telling this guy how your cat is the love of your life, how you bathe together, and how you recently threw your cat a birthday party where you wore matching outfits. If he doesn’t leave after (or before) those five minutes are left, start meowing. It quickly takes this feline fetish to a whole new level.

Pass out. Suddenly plop your body on anything you can lay on and pretend to fall asleep. Start snoring for an extra effect. Stay this way until you hear him walk away, or for bonus points, suddenly pop back up and blurt out something obscene.

Tie the knot. Bringing up any talk of holy matrimony should get any creeper at the bar to leave you immediately. If girls who bring this topic up to their boyfriends after being in a relationship for nine months suddenly find themselves single, just imagine the wonder it can do to someone in the first couple minutes of meeting them.

The power of the ex. Usually bringing up ex boyfriends is a major no-no, but not when you’re trying to rid yourself of your new-found parasitic friend. Is he wearing a blue shirt? Say “Oh my God! My ex boyfriend used to wear blue shirts.” Does he have curly hair? Say “Your hair looks just like my ex’s hair!” If it’s annoying you saying it, it will definitely annoy him hearing it.

Be as awkward as humanly possible. Stare at him for a few seconds before responding to anything he says, laugh (very high-pitched) at random things he says that aren’t supposed to be funny, and breath heavily.

Get jiggy with it. If hearing all about your cats, future wedding plans, and ex-boyfriends isn’t able to kick this kid to the curb, there’s one last technique that will send any man running away for his life. Grab your creeper and guide him to the dance floor. Get in grinding position. And let your inner-freak free. Jump up and down totally off rhythm, butt bump his crotch, whip your hair back and forth in every direction (mostly in his face), and pretty much bust out any other psychotic, unflattering move that you can possibly think of. If a girl isn’t rubbing up on a guy’s junk when they “dance,” he’s not going to want anything to do with them. And trust me, adding in the extra craziness will guarantee you never see this fellow ever again.

♥AUTHOR: TEHRENE FIRMAN, Editor-in-Chief

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3 Responses to How to Rid Yourself of a Creeper

  1. Anonymous says:

    Love this!

  2. Sarah Kester says:

    hahahah omgsh I love this

  3. Anonymous says:

    hilarious!!!

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