|He can save me any time.|
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost four years now and we’ve never had any major problems during our relationship until now. He was out with his friends last weekend and ended up taking a random girl from the bar home with him. He told me about it the next day and felt awful about it, saying he didn’t know what he was doing and regrets every second of it. After four years, it’s hard for me to just end the relationship, but how can I forgive him for sleeping with another girl? I’m not sure what to do. Help!
That’s What He Said:
First thing’s first: Do NOT get revenge. Even if your boyfriend offers that you can cheat on him to make it an even playing field, do not do it! He will think that he got off easy and didn’t have to face any consequences because “you were able to cheat, too.” Plus, doing so will only complicate things and your relationship will never be the same.
Congrats on 4 years! That’s a long time… enough time to establish those quality values like honesty, trust, etc. However, him being drunk changes the angle of the situation. You definitely need to sit down, have a talk, and set some guidelines if you’d like to salvage this relationship. If you’ve never had a problem until now, you’ve got a great relationship. You’ve just hit a major pothole in the road. Let him know that you now truly question both his honesty and respect towards you… he will be working to build that trust back.
The fact that he told you about it the next day and feels awful tells you a lot about his character and the kind of man he is. He’s very strong by showing his humility, which is something lost by this culture (especially men and their egos). A lot of guys would try to keep it a secret. Unless he is great at lying and scheming, he is genuinely sorry since he told you the next morning. He didn’t take the time to try to think of an elaborate story to cover his ass. He told you straight up and right away.
Bottom Line: Every person and relationship are different. Therefore, I cannot tell you exactly what to do in terms of staying together or breaking up (especially after 4 years! I haven’t even come close to being in a relationship for that long). I’m a firm believer in “once a cheater, always a cheater.” I personally would dump any girl who would cheat on me. When you’re dating someone, you have that subconscious “knowing” that you shouldn’t cheat. Think of it like touching a hot stove when you were a kid. Just like in relationships, no one has to tell you not to do it — you just don’t do it!… Or else you get burned.
Have a situation that you want Ian’s advice on? Shoot him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t worry – you will stay anonymous!
♥AUTHOR: IAN HUNTLEY, That’s What He Said